A Contest

Friday, August 21, 2009

I logged on to the es-sense fan page on Facebook this morning and I saw that we reached over 100 fans! Wooo hooo!  So Ryan and I would like to do a quick contest for ya’ll!  ;o)

If you would like to win a $25 itunes gift card, please do the following.

1) Leave a comment of the funniest joke you’ve heard! (PLEASE NOTE: No profanity please or any green jokes or any jokes that may be rated R or may be offending to people will not be posted…) – sorry, but let’s keep this clean but fun!! –

2) Leave a valid email address so I can contact you if you win!

3) Deadline for the contest is on: Monday, August 24, 2009 @ 11:59pm PST

4) The winner will be announced on Wednesday, August 27, 2009 and it will be judge by Ryan, my husband, who is definitely not easily amused heheh ;o)

Oh and only one joke per contestant :o)

We look forward to reading and sharing your jokes! HAPPY FRIDAY! :o)

Lastly, if you’d like to be a fan of es-sense, please click here!



Thank you for your support!!

Posted In business | personal

9 comments

Erika - I might as well give it a shot.

I was at the airport and I had to use the bathroom. When I got to the bathroom the first stall was occupied, so I went in the second one. I dropped my pants and sat down. A voice from the stall next to me said, “Hey,how you doing?” I thought it was a little stange but I didn’t want to be rude, so I said, “not too bad, thanks.”After a short pause, I heard the voice again, “So what are you up to?” Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, “Just had to take a dump….how about you?” Small pause again, then the voice said, “how about when I’m done here, I come over there?” I got freaked out and said, “listen buddy, I just needed to use the toilet and I don’t want any funny business!” The next thing I heard was, “sorry, I’m gonna have to call you back, the guy in the stall next to me thinks I’m talkin to him.”

Alain - A guy frantically walks into a pet hospital with his ill stricken dog in his arms and yells ” Doctor please tell me what’s wrong with him!”

The veterinarian grabs the dog and places it on the gurney and examines him meticulously from head to toe and even listens to his lungs and heart beat. Unable to provide a diagnosis for the canine he leaves the room.

The veterinarian returns momentarily with a cat in his arms and places it on top of the dog. He signals the cat to get to work and it starts to sniff the canine from top to bottom while the owner looks in awe.

Once finished doing it’s job the cat leaves the room with the doctor. The doctor then returns to tell the man that his dog is very sick and has a few days left to live. He then proceeds to hand the hospital bill over to the man.

The gentleman reviews the charges and then yells ” Thirteen hundred dollars for you to tell me that my dog is dying?”

Yes, the doctor replies. “Three hundred dollars for my physical examination and One thousand dollars for the CAT Scan.”

Benz - ——————————————————————————–

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

“What was the name of the Instructor?” asked the neighbor.

“Oh, ummmm, let’s see,” the old man pondered. “You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what’s that flower’s name?”

“A rose?” asked the neighbor.

“Yes, that’s it,” replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, “Hey, Rose, what’s the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?”

nataly navarro - There were 3 women who escaped from the local prison. The first one was a red head, the second a brunette, the other a blonde.

As they were walking down the lonely road, the officers of the local prison were closing in on them. The women ran to the closet barn to hide.

One officer flashed his light on the red head. The red head replied “Moo…” the officer said “Oh, it’s just a cow.”

The officer flashed his light on the brunette. The brunette said “Baa…” The officer said, “Oh, it’s just a sheep.”

Then the officer moved on. He flashed his light on the blonde. In a very deep voice the blonde said “Potato…”

Grae - The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, “Okay, okay, I’m a rabbit, I’m a rabbit!”

amanda thiessen - saaaaweeeetttt!

Mr Gabels - More of funny advice than a joke.

One day a chicken on a farm decided that he wanted to fly. He would jump up on top of the tractor and flap his wings. As soon as he would get momentum, he would jump off, levitate for three seconds and fall.

The chicken tried this for weeks and each week he would not give up. Finally with a discouraged attitude, he decides to just settle being a non-flying chicken.

The bull who has been observing this goes up to the chicken and offers him a deal.

“Listen, Chicken” the bull said. “If you want to fly, all you have to do is eat my poo.”

With nothing to lose, the chicken decided just to take a nibble of the poo.

The chicken flapped his wings and flew 10 Feet in the air. The chicken who was amazed thanked the Bull and ate the rest of the poo.

The chicken was so happy, he started to do circles around the whole farm. Every animal was amazed and happy for the chicken.

Finally the exhausted chicken needed a rest. He sat on top of the lamp post and BOOM!

The farmer shot the chicken with a shotgun.

Moral of the story: Bull crap can only take you so high, but it will not keep you there.

Janice - I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted “CRAZY” then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker(who’s blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was “CRAZY” and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked “What are you doing?” I told him I was a light bulb. He said “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days”.

I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her “And where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m going home too, I can’t work in the dark!”

Tasha - A married couple was planning to go on vacation in Key West, Florida. The man went down first, while the wife was finishing up a business meeting in New York City. The husband arrived and decided to email his wife to tell her that he arrived in Key West.

After he typed his message, he accidentally typed in the wrong email address. The email went to a woman who was grieving over her recently deceased husband. The grieving woman checked her email, read the man’s letter, then passed out cold. Her daughter came in and looked at the computer screen. It read:

“Honey,
This is your husband. I just wanted to tell you I got here OK, and I have all your bags checked in and ready for you to get here tonight so we can be together.

P.S. It sure is hot down here.”

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